One of the books I read recently made the point that we focus too much on correcting our weaknesses and not enough on enhancing our strengths. I don’t remember the exact context (it was likely on enhancing organizations or improving performance at work), but what a cool idea to spend some time thinking about when it comes to parenting. Whether you acknowledge this or not, you are this infinitely amazing creation, made by God in His very image. You are also unique.
There are some things that come naturally to you. Keep an eye out for those things. There are others that feel a whole lot like work. Feed that data into your parenting.
You may walk away with all types of applications of this idea, but here are a couple of more practical ones. If you dread camping and only picture heat and bugs and rain, then choose not to force yourself to take your nuggets camping. Yes, even if your spouse also doesn’t like it and you picture your kiddo looking back and one day entering a deep depression because they never became an Eagle Scout. Realize that those precious nights when you would have forced yourself to do the thing you hate (in this example sleeping in 100 degree heat surrounded by a swarm of blood-sucking vampire bugs, in a super great mood) will instead have been spent doing something (anything) else. Once you break free of feelings like “I have to make sure my kids do ______!”, then you can find new ideas, e.g. “I wouldn’t mind going to the springs for a day and then coming home in the evening.” (Ok, yes, I admit it, this is one of mine.).
When it comes to smaller activities, you may realize you would rather get a route canal than play little people or build blocks. So… don’t. Let the kiddos use those activities for their solo time when you are cooking or taking a break and spend your time together on things you do enjoy, e.g. maybe reading, board games, walks, swimming, etc.
The point is, everyone wins when you, your spouse and your kiddo spend as much time operating using their strengths and likes. There will be exceptions to this of course. We homeschool every weekday, not because it is in our top “enjoy” activities, but because it is amazingly meaningful and beneficial to all of us. Those exceptions aside, operating in your genuine rhythm as much of the time as you can swing it is a great goal to shoot for.
*** One more quick note, This also points out another theme that keeps coming up to me. God designed us for Community. I see so many examples of how this is woven into the system. Within a thriving community you and your kiddos will have more folks around who have all different skills and likes. You may have an uncle that loves photography, a friend who is amazing with music, someone at church that produces amazing art. A friend who overflows with some awesome character quality. These are all people who can fill the gaps and allow your child to try new things.
This is really great. I can see how easily we can get caught up in what we “have to do” with our kids.
Question, let’s say I enjoy doing something but my spouse doesn’t, or vice versa, do you think it’d be worth it to “suck it up” for the sake of spending family time together? In the example you gave, both of y’all don’t like camping, but in my case, for instance, I don’t really like camping, but Kyle does. Maybe that can be something that he does alone with our son, or should I participate too?
Thanks Mariely. So when I sit back and look at how this works in our family I see a really cool dynamic playing out. Christina and I both care deeply for each other and so we are both totally willing to “suck it up” and do something we don’t necessarily enjoy… or at least that we would not have chosen to do. That being said, we have meshed (two become one) at this point to where we naturally mostly focus on things we do both enjoy or want to do. We know each other so well at this point our genuine care for each other naturally pulls us to those activities.
When something does come up one of us doesn’t care for often the other person realizes it and shows grace in advance. For example, say there is a play that Trinity wants to go see that a few of her friends are in. Not only will Trin want to go, but will want to hang out and socialize after. Most times in cases like this Christina naturally says, “I can take Trin and you can have time with the littles.” or maybe “Let me take the kids and you have a bit of time to yourself”. In your case above, you may say “Kyle, why don’t you have some boys time and go camping.” To take the example further, his response back could be, “Thanks! I have an idea, why don’t we pick the place a 1/2 hour from here, instead of the place hours from here that would keep us longer, and you come hang out for a part of the day and then head back and have some time to yourself or with a friend”. To go even further, as your son ages, maybe they do go farther on a longer trip, but they do it once a year as opposed to every weekend.
Camping is a great example. You may “suck it up” and watch a movie every once in a while you don’t care for, but going camping for a day or two when you are going to be miserable is a whole another situation.
I think you get the idea. My two cents. Hoping that all makes sense. 🙂