I think this may be one of the more important posts I will ever write on this blog for soon-to-be parents and parents of little nuggets.
Besides being a Dad, I have been an observer of parenting for many years. I love to see how families operate whenever I get a sneak peek.
One of my big takeaways is this… I believe one of the strongest correlations I have seen with having thriving kiddos is in how much direct, adult, meaningful interaction they have. Now this may sound strange. Kiddos, by nature of being short, jobless, broke, etc., naturally need near constant care from us taller people. This is why I was careful with the words above.
All but the most careless parents interact with their children all the time, but it is very easy to get in the mode where you are making sure their basic needs are met, but not truly connecting. This is a lot easier, and to be honest, we all have to operate in this mode for portions of the day or nothing else would get done, but that is not the parenting portion of the day.
For example, picture talking with a friend at the part while your nuggets all play together at the park. All good. Imagine your nugget(s) playing blocks while you do the dishes. All good. The problem is when you survey a day or week or… and that is the norm, not the exception… no bueno.
Your connection with your kiddos should challenge and grow them. Sitting and listening to them talk about legos is great for a part of the time, but you are not their best buddy. You are their parent and interacting with you should stretch them and grow them. Interacting with you is where their world should grow with new beliefs, vocabulary, ideas, thoughts and perspectives.
As a side point, this is one of the most incredible advantages of homeschooling in my mind. Your kiddos are not in training to remain kiddos (which is the perspective they are most inundated with in during the many hours each day in a public/private school environment). They are in training to be thriving adults, and you are the only one with the love and mission and resources to provide that to your kiddos, not even the best teacher in the world has the connection, drive and resources to do that.
The summary point to walk away with is this… don’t be a family that is just a group of folks sharing a house doing your own thing. Don’t confuse time inside the same building as as quality time. Interact, grow, share… and above all… love like their future depends on it.
Loved this one.
Patrick, can you elaborate a little bit more on this because I’m still a little confused.
So, I get that you don’t just want to be mindlessly providing for their basic needs, but what does the flip side of that look like? Having adult conversations? Wouldn’t most of that go over their heads?
When you gave the example about playing leggos, I thought, oh! OK, playing and interacting with them is what he means. But then you said that that wasn’t helping them grow. So, can you give me an example of a way you’d interact with them that would contribute to the development of thriving adults?
Great stuff Mariely. So playing games and activities with your kiddos is awesome. What I was trying to say in that part of the post was more that listening to them talk about the things that interest them is only a small piece of the puzzle.
There are plenty of adults that can listen to a kid talk about legos or super heroes or whatever and then say, “Great buddy” or “Neat.” There will be plenty of that and it is fine, but honestly the kiddo did not really have to stretch in that conversation. If that is the only type of shallow conversation they get then they are never growing and won’t be thriving at any age.
Now the flip side is discussing politics or calculus. You are right, nothing gained there either. That will be over their head.
The goal, in my mind, is to have regular interaction with the kiddo that will continually stretch them a bit. Talking about God is a great example. They are learning about him from your discussions and you are slowly adding more and more depth over time.
Since you are starting at square one with a baby I will give you an interesting piece of advice I heard years ago that applies. I heard it said that we should not just make noises and “gaga googoo” to a baby. Why? Because even as a babies they are learning to mimic you and your conversation and facial expressions teach them. Well, that initial concept grows as the child grows. I have very deep and meaningful conversations with my boys all the time. I see and feel their wheels turning. And those conversations are different from the ones with Lilly and also those with Trin, but the purpose is the same.
What brought this post to mind is that I see children that I genuinely believe only get the “that’s nice dear” or “yes, your Ninja Turtles are awesome.” type interaction and you would really be shocked at the difference between those kiddos and those that are thriving. This breaks my heart.
This is a bit difficult to explain, but hopefully this is a seed that the Holy Spirit will water and use for yours and Kyle’s nugget. Hope this helps. 🙂