I remember one day not too far back in our old neighborhood going to the community pool. This day sticks out because there was a young girl there, somewhere around Trinity’s age, hanging out with 3 boys who were at least a couple years older than her. They were blaring music, swimming and having fun in the pool goofing off. No parent in sight.
The next time someone in our family saw this young lady it was under much different circumstances. Trinity volunteers at Teen Court. This is where teens who have already been found guilty of a crime go through a courtroom process where there is a real judge, but both lawyers and the jury are fellow teens, to decide punishment. Trinity was the prosecutor and… very sadly… the young lady from the story above was the one on trial.
I bring this up because it is a crystal clear picture of a major key to parenting. Even at my daughters age (early teens) there should never be a situation like the one that happened that day at the pool. “Freedom” and “privacy” are things that should only be earned in very very small increments and much later than you may think. Some things should simply never be allowed.
The truth is, most parenting in our culture is the equivalent of dropping your toddler off at the ocean, telling them you will be back in a few hours and calling it swimming lessons. Terms like “socialization” and “over protective parents” are typically cop outs. People unconsciously accept societies free pass excuses for lazy parenting and living a lifestyle that does not put your kiddos well-being as the priority.
You should control who they see, how often and when… and as much as humanly possible, you should be close by when it happens. Only when they are truly ready do you slowly start to allow small increments of “freedom” because the truth that is all they are ready for and the first time they are ready for it. This will lead to some very tough decisions. Some tough conversations through all stages of your parenting. You may have to give up your pretty perfect mental pictures of groups of kids running around the neighborhood together or having epic sleepovers. You will have to be the bad guy at times. You will have to have hard conversations with family or friends where you choose to do things much differently than they did.
Here is the deal though… think of all of the small decisions that led first to that young girl being at that pool that day… and eventually into that courtroom. Really think about that for a minute.
This is not to scare you or have you lock the nuggets in a room 24/7. Your kiddos will have incredibly fulfilling, never short on activity, full lives… but it must happen on your terms and as guided by the Holy Spirit… not what goes for common culture.
Have no regrets. Parent your way, even though it is hard. God will bless your efforts and replace your “parenting American dream” with a thriving childhood, full of meaningful relationships, but done his way. You will have to trust us on this one… but we can’t even begin to tell you how worth it it is.