Parenting Nuggets

One thing I very much regret is never getting going on keeping a running log of the hilarious things my kiddos have said over their short lifetimes.  Especially taking into account my not so great memory this was not a good thing.  We could have filled volumes.  I am talking the size of those old Encyclopedia sets everyone used to have.

Christina and I HIGHLY encourage you to do so.  I prefer an actual written log, but whatever you do start today and make sure that you make keeping it up to date a priority.  Save a reminder in your phone, write it on your hand, whatever.

 

It is fascinating for me to watch people’s interaction with babies.  Watch and observe just how many people will turn to you and interact with a baby that would never do so if you didn’t have one?

It is a beautiful thing if you think about it.  With babies there is no danger of rejection. It is just innocent beauty and goodness… and even more fascinating is that people inherently know that and respond to it.  There is something deep inside of us that is wired for genuine unguarded connection.

This is also something to be intentional in teaching young kiddos.  There will be times when a little nugget is busy playing or maybe has a rush of shyness.  I think it is a great thing to use those moments to teach and encourage extravagant friendliness and valuing other people.  Teach them that they should take every opportunity to brighten someone’s day.  Help them realize they have such a great opportunity to share God’s light in this world.

With our older kiddos we try and find times to stretch them in this area.  As an example, for our boys I will send them over to talk with one of our older neighbors I see sitting by themselves outside.   Each child is different and by knowing them so well you will know these type of “small stretch” situations for each that won’t be too much for them.

As parents this is a small, but tangible way we can make this world a better place and continue to participate in bringing God’s kingdom rushing forward.  Good stuff.

I sent out a request to a few of the experienced parents I know telling them that if they have any cool parenting revelations or key cornerstones of their approach to please share them with me so I can pass them along.

Two of the kindest people I know are the first ones to respond.  Our friends Brian and Alice offered up this piece of wisdom based on their experience with twin girls:

“I honestly try not to give out unsolicited advice because I think it can come off wrong, even though it comes with good intentions. With that being said, I do forcefully offer up one piece of advice. I always tell new parents that you have to take time for each other. One avenue for doing that is nightly walks. I think this is even more true for stay-at-home moms. In our situation (Alice being at home all day, and with two babies), it was nice to be able to go do something together without having the “baby-barrier” between us. We could walk side by side and talk, just us. The babies loved being outside so we could just concentrate on us. “

Really good stuff.  I can add on that regular dates are great.  Find someone who would be blessed by getting the chance to bless you with a date night and take advantage!  For us, we are now at the point where our oldest can watch our littles so we get out even more often on dates and mini-dates.

Don’t underestimate the power of a quick walk or mini-date.

As a couple you are a team.  Make each other a priority.  Little nuggets require so much of your resources that you must be intentional in this area.  Now quit reading this blog and get out there and take a walk already.  : )

One of the reasons I agreed to take on this blog was because the way God communicates with me personally leads to me always thinking about this type of thing.

I believe the primary reason we were asked to do something like this in the first place is because of our kiddos, and the amazing work God has done and is doing in them, through Christina and I.   Because of that, I thought it would be nice to take a closer look at the nuggets that inspired this whole thing as their birthdays roll around.  Today is one of those posts as Luke turned 8 years old today.

A book I read from the founder of To Write Love on Her Arms had a post about birthdays.  In the post he focused on how cool a birthday can be when you realize that you are celebrating that you are glad the person was born and has chosen to stick around.  I loved that.  This is our main focus of communications during these special days and there is zero doubt that we are thankful that Luke was born and given to us to care for and love on and snuggle.

So here are a few things about Luke:

– Luke is by far one of the most genuinely kind and caring individuals on this earth.  Even though he probably looks forward to and enjoys birthdays more than anyone, he spends half the time focused on including others and sharing.  He will give away the shirt off of his back.

– Luke loves sweets.  All kids love sweets, true, but Luke is borderline support group type love of sweets.  This leads to him savoring and taking his time with them.  At times we will actually have to tell him he only has 2 minutes left to finish them.

– Luke is this awesome mix of absolute bravery and a healthy dose of fear and anxiety in certain situations.

– Luke, when he is not being intentional, gets VERY focused on the rules and “fairness”.  As a parent it is great to have someone like this around because in those times you get to see a living example of how Love is choosing to sacrifice your sense of fairness for the good of someone else.  Luke has learned to recognize this in himself and choose Love whenever he is alert and aware of the choice.  Great stuff.

– Luke has this genuine love of all living creatures.  He even recently stopped catching creatures, one of his favorite pastimes, in favor of simply observing them to ensure they don’t come to harm.

– Luke has this super sweet near hysterical goofiness mood that he gets into at times.   He nearly hyperventilates from laughter.

– Luke is a one of a kind, amazing example of God’s workmanship and a living example that you don’t have to settle for the stereotypes about kids and parenting the world throws at you. God will work through you to create thriving kiddos if you show up and engage.  You will be glad you did… just like Christina and I are.  Happy birthday Luke…

Here are a collections of funny sayings coming out of our casa that I thought newer or expecting parents may get a kick out of.  Enjoy 🙂

1) “Kiddo, that was absolutely hilarious… now never… ever… ever do that again.   <– One of the most common Kelley sayings

2) “Ok boys, from now on, all pranks you want to pull on your older sister must first be approved by me.  Granted, I will most likely say yes, but a few of the latest batch went too far.”    <– Recent rule for boys

3) “Stop!  You are not thinking right now…”   <– Another one of the more common Kelley sayings along with the related preemptive versions: “Please think before you make your next move” and the often necessarily shorter “Think!”

4) “April Fools does not exist as a thing for you any more.  And yes, I am serious… and yes, this is permanent.  ”  <– This one was actually to Trinity when she was around 13.  I will have to post the full story one day.  For now I will just say I feel bad for her first roommates once she moves out.

5) “Where are your clothes?!”   <– Mostly when they are younger… mostly…

and finally… drum roll please…

6) “So wait… tell me again how this happened.”

God has been bringing me back, through multiple sources, to Genesis 1 and really to Creation and our role in it.

One of the gifts God has given to us is this amazing food source in plants that actually produce the seeds that then produce more food for us.  (go read this sequence in the Creation account).  What struck me today is how God chose to use slow and steady growth to produce these amazing resources.  Think about that.

He does the same with us.  Think about the life of a baby.  First in the womb.  Then as a newborn.  Eventually mobile.  Fast forward a bit and you are teaching your oldest to drive and having deep theological conversations… but there are a million days in-between.

This gives an insight into amazing parenting.  Time and showing up every single day is the key.  You cannot work all the time and then coach little league and call it even.  You cannot be so busy that you never connect.  You can’t make up for not making time for your kids with really cool vacations or gifts.  It is slow and steady, ongoing, showing up and being there every single day.  And it is so worth it.

p.s. This is a great thing to bring up every time you make a big decision.  Will this choice (job change, activity, move, etc.) increase or decrease my ability to show up and be there daily for slow and steady growth.  Will this increase or decrease my quality time.  It leads to some difficult decisions, but better a thousand of those than one huge regret you can’t change many years from now.

A nice practical suggestion…

Go ahead and research the urgent cares and walk-ins in the area.  Trust me, you will want to do this.  The middle of the night is prime time for kiddo sickness.  Injuries tend to happen after your primary is closed.   Consider printing out your findings and keeping them on the fridge.

Key: Research hours.  Did you know some are open all night?  Key #2, Research ratings.  Like anything, not all places are created equal (trust me here as well).

If you have a couple good options available or you have a sickness that doesn’t need to be seen immediately, consider calling ahead and asking about current wait time.

Also, don’t be intimidated by the word “Urgent” in “Urgent Care”.  It is just a walk-in.

Also, set a reminder to take another look every 6 months or so.   In my experience, Urgent Cares come and go, change locations and change hours. You don’t want to find out in the middle of the night.  : )

You will find that certain small bite-sized parenting related nuggets just stick with you.  One of these for me was hearing many years back that young kiddos thrive on repetition.

How will you see this as a parent? Well I can answer that for you, because tonight I read “Arthur’s Chicken Pox” for the 1 millionth time to Lilly Bug.  I am either living in a strange twist on that Groundhog’s Day movie OR she really enjoys it.  Recently she has even started picking out parts that she wants to “read”, (her favorite, “Mom, DW is torturing me!!!!”)+.

This is a good nugget to remember because for us adults, variety is the spice of life.  Our brains thrive on new challenges, new situations and new interests.  Our kiddos, especially when really young, need safety, security, schedule and parents who are willing to read the same book multiple nights in a row.

Now, for sanity’s sake, it is fine to put limits on this.  Know your limits when it comes to books or games that feel very repetitive to you.  You certainly don’t want to dread book or play time, but knowing about their love for repetition will help you find a healthy balance.  For me personally, once I have a dream involving Arthur or anyone in his family, the book is gone.  Until then we plan to keep reading her that book and one more of her choice for as long as it still makes her smile.

A friend asked me the other day about baby “proofing”.  (Yes, that is in quotes for a reason.  Once they become mobile, and maybe even before that point, you will understand.)  Here are a few thoughts:

1) Baby “proofing” for really dangerous stuff is a must.  Chemicals, access to stairs, access to pools, something glass and breakable, you get the idea.

2) Baby “proofing” for areas where a huge or frequent messes could be made is a good idea.  I mean, can you really fault a kiddo for knocking over a huge crate of dry cat food that looks suspiciously like cereal?

3) Baby “proofing” area just for convenience is a judgement call.  First, realize that the baby proofing stuff is a total pain.  The rush of annoyance at the world when you, using total muscle memory, go to grab a fork and realize you have to instead push the tab down first ranks up there with certain forms of torture on the enjoyment scale.  Also, cabinets and places that don’t hold anything dangerous can be a great play area (our kiddos loved to play with pots, pans and Tupperware while we cooked dinner).  Alternatively, they can be excellent places to train your kiddos.  You can use an area or an object as off limits and train them to respond to “No” when they attempt to access it (a blog post on discipline to come…).

4) Baby “proofing” corners and edges are also iffy.  We never did this.  Maybe we would have if we had something with sharpish edges.

5) Electrical outlets are a nice place to say “No” calmly every time you notice them paying attention to them.  This is because they will see them again at other people’s houses and can have that association when they see them.

All of our hospital related injurys happened much later in life and on objects and situations no one would have thought to baby/kid proof (funny stories on that to come).  Just do your best. God makes them a LOT tougher than you think at first.

One aspect of childhood is that little nuggets are, and should be, constantly under correction.  In a healthy environment this is loving correction, but correction all the same.

To counterbalance this very necessary part of childhood it is vital that you constantly build up their identity.  They are being corrected, but they are not deficient or lacking in any way.  Their behavior is just a work in progress.

At all ages kind words and emotions go a long way to communicating this worth and value.  However, as they get old enough it is incredibly important to add in the the identity that God places on them, even during times of failure.  You can remind them that God made them in HIS very own image (let that sync in).  You can take them to Genesis and see where God declares His creation “very good” only once he has added us peoples.  You can point to God’s use of “children”, “sons” and “daughters” in the Bible, even when so many other possible terms were available (e.g. servants, friends, subjects to name a few).  You can use Genesis 1 and notice how God is crafting a world just for us and then turning us loose to create and love and be.  (Update:  Psalm 8 is one of my new favorite parts of the scriptures and is also an awesome look at our identity according to God)

Keep this goal of building up your kiddos IDENTITY in mind and the Holy Spirit will bring you all types of cool examples and reminders.  An “I love you” is an awesome start.